"You are given this life because you are strong enough to live it"

Really? Because I don't feel strong enough to live it...I don't even know how i don't spend every day locked up in my room crying. And it's not about something stupid like "oh the boy i like doesn't like me" it's not that. And I don't even know how to talk about this because I was never taught to do that, I was never taught to talk about my feelings..I don't even know how i can do it this much..So, what's your sorry little problem, you might be asking? Well, let's see...First of all my parents. They fight...non stop. Nothing abusive. It's mainly just verbal. But for the past year...year and a half or so, it's been like "bicker bicker bicker" don't talk for 2 weeks... "bicker bicker bicker" everything is fine for a few days. Then BAM. Another fight. And it usually just comes out of no where. My parents are both such touch people..if they're both not in the same mood at the same time, a fight hits off right away. And it's not like they say anything to me, but it gets so hard listening to them fight all the time. I haven't tried talking to them about it because "I'm just a kid, what do I know?" They won't listen to anything I say, or suggest..that's just the kind of household that I grew up in. I'm glad to say that, at least for now, I am nothing like them. Even though none of the fights are about me, the fights aren't even about them, they're just nothing. I mean, maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if it was about me..or SOMETHING. All they do is scream at each other and make up complete lies. I'm starting to think about emancipation...but then I think again, and realize i have half a year of schooling left, after that, another half year and I'll be 18. I won't have to go through all that crap. It gives me a huge head ache every day...but the days that they aren't fighting are....wow they couldn't be more perfect (: We're actually like a real family. And to the fact that I never had an actual father...because my birth father i guess left us...I don't know, it's this whole long complicated story that I don't want to get into right now. For the past year though, all I've been thinking about is finding the perfect guy for me as soon as possible, and getting the hell out of here like as soon as i graduate high school...hey, my uncle got married to my aunt when she was like 14/15. Why shouldn't I get married when I'm 17 and 1/2. The sooner I get away from my parents the better. Don't get me wrong I love them dearly with everything in me..and I would miss my mom far too much if...or when I do move out, but I just can't stand this anymore :( We were all supposed to go home this summer...but I doubt that that's going to happen :/ Not with my dad being the way he is. And I feel, every day like I will burst if I don't cry it out a little bit, but I can't, ever. Because my dad mostly sleeps during the day, and my mom works during the day. And I'm alone...why should I cry then? I'm the most happiest at that time, I don't even think about them. But when my mom comes home, it all just comes crashing down on me and I literally feel crushed. All I do is spend half the day locked up in my room...there is no way in hell I would ever step out there while they're both awake at the same time. Some days I just want to run away, but I never really have the guts to...Tomorrow though? Who knows what might happen...I pray that I find a job soon enough..or that some Prince Charming will come and swoop me away from this misery, but so far...it's not happening. I make wishes on shooting stars..and the first star I see every night..I pray to God every day...If He really thinks that I'm THIS strong to handle all of this...wow I don't want to know what he has in store for me later :P But they always say that everything always turns out right...I'm just waiting for that day...But if ANY of you knew the members of my family...oh my god you would get what I mean...it's such a messed up family from my grandparents, all the way down to the cutest little 5, almost 6 month old baby boy...I just pray that the man I marry, and the children that I have won't look at the way their great aunts&uncles, and grandparents, and cousins from my side of the family are..and that they'll grow up in their own way, and their best way. Because the LAST thing that I want is a repeat of MY family..hah..well..that's not really it I could go on for hours, but I might as well just stop here :P Thanks for reading this if anyone did..xo