She's so lucky, and I'm so tired!

Who is so lucky? My friend in norway..it is.. 3 am over there right now! She leaves around 1 pm her time. Which means in like 9 hours she will be on her plane ride home! Ugh I'm so jealous! I'll be up in the sky in 26 more days :P bljee I can't wait! I just got home, my mom and I were helping my grandma move some stuff. Agh its so tiring! But at least it made the past few hours fly by fast! I have some stuff that I have to do right now, so that's pretty much it for tonights post..until before I go to bed I guess at least :) We'll see! Nothing interesting happened today so it's all super boring! More coming later tho, for sure ! :) x0

I will be up in the air right now!

Hey guys! This is going to be a really short post, but that's okay :) I have to make coffee in a little bit and then I think that i will go tanning ! It's only 73 degree's but I'm still as white as milk! okay i'm lying im not, I'm actually pretty tan, but not as tan as i would like to be !But I'm still debating on rather I should or not because the sun isn't that hot today! Lol And i have the windows oen and its actually a little chilly, But I think i'll just end up going out for a few hours anyway (: So I just wanted to make a post, that in exactly 26 days i will be in that wonderful airplane up in the sky, flying to North Carolina! about an hour left to go! Lol And then from Carolina, to Italy, and from Italy home! I just got to thinking, my friend..she lives in Norway, she's leaving for home tomorrow! Lucky girl XD But she had to wait pretty much just as long as I did! And if you ask me, June passed by pretty quick! So, whose to say July wont pass just as fast?! Lol right?! Please tell me I'm right! Tomorrow, I'm going to force my dad to drive me to my aunts, because her balcony is like always on the side where the sun shines the most! So yeah (: Lol Well, that wasn't anything too interesting, But I was bored with nothing to do! More later tonight (: xo

26 days and 0 hours! Lol

Haha Well, I finally figured out the times and dates! We have to leave for Chicago in 26 days and the latest time that we should be leaving is like around 9 am (: Our flight takes off at 2 for North Carolina! And then from there to Italy, and from Italy to home! :) Can't wait! We get home around a little in the afternoon, which will be great! And honestly, these days are going by pretty fast! It's Wednesday which means pretty much nothing to look forward to until like Sunday! So I'm going to need to figure out what to do! My cousin can't come for the fourth! :( I don't know rather I'm exited for that or not! Because right now, I don't necessarily want to do anything but...idk! Lmao But next week I have to make plans to do something! And then the week after that, I have to make plans to do something! The week after that I am just going to lay low and relax my final week here! Lol And do some packing and stuff, then we are off! I don't know rather this time will go by fast or not! I hope it does! But we'll see! Lol I'm just glad that I don't have to wait all day for us to leave! haha. I'm thinking that I'm going to bring my laptop...I have to! XD haha And yeah..the shopping is slowly beginning, the packing is going to start :) My mom and I have to tell dad about the suitcases we saw! Lol We are both so in love with them! I'm kind of hungry so I'll go find some breakfast now..actually! I'm going to figure out what this dream I had means..it's a long story but I want to know XD haha Then I'll go get some breakfast, and go tanning, then i'll come back inside, do the dishes, do the laundry, and i might have to go help my grandma move her stuff to her new apartment :P blaahh. I hate that! Or, If I don't have to go to that, I'll just go back to my aunts pool! And I'll make sure to take my camera with me now! Lol I might as well just change my summer '10 album name to something different! XD Well, I'll go now, and if anything more interesting happens I will let ya'll know! My dad doesnt work tonight so i doubt it will, but ya never know! Have a great day! :) xo

P.S IDK who this is in the picture, I just looked up 'packing' on google! Lol I didnt want to put a picture of me up! :)

i-i-i-i can make yo bedrock!

whatsss upp peoples!!!!! Oh my gosh! Today was the best day in the history of my lifeee!!! Okay, i had to stop typing this for a few minutes cause my computer wasn't charging! Anyway, back to what I was getting at! I'll just tell you my hour by hour because my brain wont work at freaking out right now, I'm pretty tired so i'll be getting to bed soon! :) Alright, I woke up...wait I already wrote about my morning in the post below...well after that, the Spain vs Portugal game started! and I had to go to the hospital with my grandma to translate for her -_- urgh! So I missed the game ;/ Spain won! Idk if I'm happy or pissed about that XD Lol I must say tho... C.Ronaldo is always hot ;) haha anywho, after the hospital, we went to my aunts sat there for about half an hour and then went the pool! was only there a little bit, if i got any color it will be a miracle! I think i get more color just tanning in my little ol' back yard! Which I will be doing soooo much more now! like every day its sunny i'll spend like 2 hours out there every day it'll be enough! XD Now whyy in the world should I tan every day?! BECAUSE WE FINALLY GOT OUR TICKETS AND WE ARE LEAVING ON THE 26TH!! We have to leave bright and early that morning! which means...no sleep saturday night, plenty sunday night, get up early on Monday and drive to Chicago, our flight takes off around 2...well I hope at least my mom didn't get all of the details! But, that's it for tonight because I'm not really in the mood for writing right now, this took me like an entire hour! Lol so, more coming tomorrow loves :) xo

And this becomes my responsibility!

I wake up this morning, around 9 am, exactly because i set it that way. Why did I do that when it is summer time? Well, I wanted to talk to my dad about those lovely tickets. I have to give him props he did call like a million places, and a few of those places actually found him great prices, great times and everything ! He just..IDK But, he just went to bed, and before he left he was like "Why don't you call them later and see if you can find anything!?" Great! The kid gets to solve this yet again! What I'll do is I'll call my grandma and umm well I'll call her around noon ish or so, right before i start calling for tickets, and I'll ask her if their lovely pool is ready so I can go! If she says yes, then I'm going to go back to their house after her appointment and have myself a little dip, and I will also go back tomorrow and stay there all day XD Hopefully, I will be able to find great tickets, and great times, So, from now until about 1:30ish pm I wont be doing anything but...well here is my schedual for the day today, get some breakfast, call people, call grandma, leave for appointment, pool, home. Oh shoot...Well, ugh! Maybe no pool. Okay, if I find an amazing beyond amazing flight thats super cheap and gets to where we want to go super fast, and we only have a few minutes left to grab those tickets, I will stay at home. If not, then I'll go to the pool, I mean there are 27 day left until we leave, I'm pretty sure I'll have time to go there (: okay so I'll go eat now, watch some tv, and then...do what I said I would do.. wish me luck? xo

Karma, Irony, Drama, and Intense Waiting!

Alright, let me try to write this blog in the order that the title went by! And then whatever comes to my mind, I have a feeling this one will be a long one! Of course, whenever I say something it always turns out the opposite..well at least that's how it used to be! Let's see how it turns out anyway!

KARMA: Remember in my last post, I talked about my aunt. Well my other aunt, my moms sister called and said how she was complaining about me "removing" her from facebook, which i did do because she was being a bitch talking about me and my parents to my other aunt. So my mom calls her and we had to go over there today. Greatt! Before, well before today it used to be so much fun being over there! Now it was just awkward and dark and ugh..I don't want to repeat that, but I'm sure that when her good ol' family is around that we'll be making a visit :/ blje I honsetly would have given the world before to go visit but right now I just don't want to.. And I hope she calls me to go watch fire works with her.. and i hope even moree my cousin comes so I can be like, oh I can my cousin is here, Im going with her "Oh well you two should come with us!" me:"oh no! We're going with some friends of mine, I'll just see you later!" Even tho I would love more than anything to spend 4th of July with that guy.. agh! Oh well though! Spending the rest of summer back home will be even better! XD

IRONY:Umm...I think that...the irony was involved somewhere with that up there, i just forgot which part I thought was Ironic :P lol

DRAMA!:
Well, still to add a little from that, she complained to my uncle about me removing her! like honestly! you're 25 years old... not 5!

INTENSE WAITING!!!!
My dad, okay I have to talk to him tomorrow before I like explode! umm He called the ticket places today right, and he called this guy we know, and he found some tickets, but he found really cheap, buttttt we'd have to stay 2 extra days, and he doesnt want to do that because "he doesnt have anyone who could drive us to the airport" WHAT. AN. IDIOT. We can always find someone! and if we can't, call a taxi! duh. So I'm going to have to set my alarm for like 9ish tomorrow cause he never goes to bed before 9, and I'll have to have a little chat with the guy. Then, I'm going to see what time he wants me to wake him up...and hopefully it'll be like at least around 1ish.. and I'll say why later :) Umm...so yeah!

RANDOM!
Okay, the reason that i want him to tell me to wake him up around 1 is so that he can drive me to my aunts, a different aunt Lol because they just got a new pool! and I know that I will be spending so much time over there! And I'll actually be able to turn blackk before I go home! I'm soo exited! Lol I have all my bathing suits washed and dried! Yay! Umm...Pretty Little Liars tomorrow! I've been waiting alll week for this! They should really have this show like every day! It got picked up for 12 more episodes! WOOT WOOT! hah..umm what else..?! This weekend needs to come because I cannot wait for the 4th of July! And then hanging out with friends for two weeks! And then packing for a week! And then leaving after two days! Oh btw, have I mentioned, 28 days and (NEGATIVE) 2 hours left!! XD AAHH Im so freaking exited! Especially if we're to stay two extra days! Andd Spending my birthday there..I know I keep repeating the same stuff, but i can't help it! But, there is one thing I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...I have to go to the doctor with my grandma again..urghh! gay :/ Her doctor is so annoying, always trying to set me up with his son -_- But..that's it for now! More coming tomorrow ! much love x3 x0

update x3

I wish this thing would let you put the heart thing! ugh! Well I went tanning for a bit, but it became cloudy very quickly! So I came inside and got dressed and watched some tv :) Just washed the dishes, and I have about half an hour until I have to get coffee ready, and then I'm off to do the laundry! I'm determined to get it all done! There's like just one basket! I was able to finish an entire one in like two hours last week (: And then my mom has two baskets to wash..hopefully she can get that done tonight! My aunts cousins are coming here in like 6 days -_- Lol Here's this little story on them, I wasn't going to update until way later tonight, but I was just on facebook, and I need to get this out of my system, so here we go! Umm, my aunt is like 25ish or so years old. She has two little boys, the cutest boys alive! And, sometimes she can be the best, coolest woman alive! But other times....she can be the biggest bitch alive! Which one is she now? The biggest bitch alive! haha. Long story short, she always acts so..."I'm better than you!" when her entire family is supposed to visit. Her aunt and uncle, and her cousins are coming to visit from new york for the 4th of July. I dont know if she's going to call any of us to go visit while they're there, and honestly I don't care right now, but if she does, I doubt we would go haha. My other aunt might, and so might my grandma, but we wont for sure. But that's why I'm not letting the 4th of July pass without hanging out with my friends, I'm going to try and make sure that my cousins can come and visit and that we have the best time ever! And I'm going to put pictures up on facebook and she better see them! LOl Plus, for the next few weeks, I'll be hanging out with friends non-stop before I leave for home, and when I get home there will be even better pictures. I know, it's kind of sad that my aunt tries to like compete with me. But I honestly couldn't care less Lol. One thing, just one small thing that is going to bother me, is her cousin..okay her aunt and uncle have a son and daughter. And their son is sooooo cute! He was here four years ago, when I was a freshman in high school, and now I'm a senior, and I want to see him so bad cause he's so hot and so down to earth and umm well he lives here Lol But just my luck, my aunt had to get all big nosed right before they come, and yeah. But I don't have much else to say, I'll update ya'll later tonight before I go to bed. Have a great rest of the day! :) xo P.S no picture right now, sorry I can't think of one! :(

Mornin'!

Hello lovely people! How are you today?! I must say that I myself am in a pretty great mood! The weather is amazing, I got more than enough sleep! I washed my bathing suit, which means plenty of time for me to tan today! Daddy is working tonight, which means dinner on time, finally! And Ill actually get to go driving for the first time in how many weeks! Goshh :D My cousins might be coming for the 4th of July, so I'm exited for that! I'll have to ask my grandpa if he can drive me down there to pick them up...lmao I know I'm too spoiled. At least that's what almost everyone tells me :P I don't think I am though! It's just because I'm an only child so they think I get everything I want. NOT True! haha I'm just thinking about what to eat for breakfast, and then I'll go tanning and then I'll come back in, wash the dishes, and then do laundry, and Secret Life is on tonight! I'm exited! I haven't been this into the T.V since like 2 years ago! lol and that was when I was oh so obsessed with Disney Channel (: Not that I'm obsessed now or anything, but I've been watching quite a bit of if for the bast few days! But that's just because there was nothing else to watch on TV I promise :D haha So that's it for now, I'm going to go find something to eat, do my nails & hope my suit dries really soon! Even if it doesn't, it doesn't matter, what matters most is my dad going to bed soon :D So I will talk to you all later :) x0

29 days and (negative) 2 hours!

You know, it's a very bad thing that I know the time and date of when we are taking off! I just keep counting down the hours! it's agonizing! At least I have some things to look forward to...My cousin might be visiting for July 4th! I really really hope that will be happening! Um then like..the week after that, Ill make plans to hang out with a friend, just one! so the week after the 4th it'll be...11-the 17th! damn already! that's gonna go by faast!! So, I think that week...the 11-17 I'll hang out with two friends XD Tabatha&Miranda! and the week of 4th of July so like the 5-10...I'll call Kayla up and then I'll ask if she wants to see a movie or something! If not then I'll call Bridgette :D And then like the week after the 17th is my last full week here! Holy shit! I thought this was going to be a longg wait! Obviously not! I'll have to text and call people tomorrow and work some things out :D and then the week after the 17th I know we'll be shopping and packing and everything! I'll get like no sleep then, but that's okay! Thank goodness my period will be over and done with before we leave! But I'll probably have it when we come back :/ ehh whatever! At least I'll be spending my birthday over there! And my cousin from Germany was here for like.. 12 days and it seemed like a really long time! And we're going to be at home for like 20 days...18 or 19 IDK I forgot how many, but its more than 2 weeks! Wow, it's so weird! for the past like...week or so? I haven't missed an 11:11! Like I wont catch both in the morning&at night sometimes, but I'll catch one of them! Yay! LOL When life is good, life continues to be good! Same goes when life goes bad tho :P But that's the magic of life! haha hmm..what else was I going to say?! Oh yeah! I'm getting kind of tired! But I'm going to watch a few videos on youtube, and then get to bed XD night xo

Doctors&Hospitals

So, I have a question...If you go to the doctor and ask him if he could like put you under some kind of medication there in the hospital for like just two weeks, could they do it? There's like an entire month left until we leave for home, and I honestly don't know what to do.My room is entirely clean, I mean there is still some laundry to do, but even if I do that one day all day It will be done. I don't know if I should start packing yet because I already have everything I need except for like a few pairs of shoes, and a dress or two for when I go out. Besides, I'll be buying some clothes over there. I have everything that I'll need, well except for the tickets, but that will be taken care of tomorrow since it's Sunday and no place works today :P This is absolute torture Lol maybe it would be easier if I went before..actually no, maybe it would be easier if we weren't like the last ones going! I mean, the last person to leave before us is leaving on like the 24 or 25 which is only 2/1 days ahead of us, but still! idK what I'll be dreading most, right now or the last few days before I go. I think it's right now because there's nothing to do except watch the time slowly pass by. It's Sunday (I know, I've already established that) and there is nothing on TV I can't find my charger for my phone, which sucks considering my room is clean and everything. Maybe I'll just get some food, and go downstairs and do the laundry, and then start picking out some clothes that I would consider taking. My jewelry and makeup is almost all picked out, and it has been for a few weeks now haha. I'm staring at my closet full of clothes right now, and it doesnt look as if anything there is take-able! But I'll manage, God knows my parents need new clothes more than I do LMAO. So yeah, I guess that's what I'll do for the next few hours is do laundry, and then if I manage to pass the time by quickly, Kourtney&Khloe Take Miami is on tonight around 9/9:30, the only thing that I'm looking forward to today! Okay, my mom just came into my room and told me to go do the laundry lmao so I'll go now (: xo

So Much To Do!

I know, there is still a month left until we arrive home, but it's better to start packing early! Oh my gosh..I'm just lying to myself there is like nothing to do! I mean I doubt that we're going to start anything until like... the 15th of July! Grr! D: Lol There is EXACTLY one month left until we leave! Damn...I'm really going to need stuff to do! Lol At least June is over, but anyway, howw cute is this luggage?! I wish I could have it, but I don't want to waste money, at least I have my pink one :) hehe xo

Oh My My :)

I woke up this morning around 11, and My dad's sitting in his room on the computer, in a shirt from back home! And im like WTF Where did you get that?! And he's like do you want it? So I said yes of course! So he gave it to me, then he and i went to the bank, and we got a loan on....idk what but all I know is that we are going home! urgh but we still need to get the tickets -_- my dad called the people but no one answered and now my aunt and uncle are here so they can't call now. And I guess, It looks like they're going to stay here almost all day, oh joy. There isn't much to say right now really...It's kind of cloudy, I guess it might rain....Yeah this is kind of boring, but I don't want to go a day without posting lmao. Don't ask why (: I'm going to take a shower now, and rest for a bit..I'm so tired for some reason! Yet I got 12 hours of sleep. Weird! Okay now I must go kick my little annoying cousin out of my room (: xo

x3this world will turn your wayx3

It's not fully yet, but it sure is getting there (: The lovely parents are over the fighting x33333333333333333333333333333333333333 All that is left to do tomorrow is talk to Daddy about the tickets for home, just have to set him straight, and make a deal with him (: Lol hopefully my plan will work out XD I also have to get all of this food out of my room :) I didn't even need it! Thank goodness (: hmm...what else?? I honestly don't know, I just want to spend some good quality time with my parents this weekend..Lol But, something new, aside from my oh so lovely family drama which I know you are all oh so interested in (justkidding) Tyler Hilton is my new obsession! Oh my gosh his voice is amazing, his songs are amazing....and he's not too bad looking himself ;) lol But his song 'This World Will Turn Your Way' just pretty much saved my life these past few days! Now I'm going to get me ready for bed, and hit the hay, because I am so tired! Hmm..going to try to finish the laundry tomorrow...and hope hope hopeeeeee we finally get those tickets x3 xo lov u all (:

I Wish, I Wish....

So, my mom and I come home after walmart, and I go straight to my room, not in the mood for anythingg! I go on the computer do some stuff...and I go out to the living room around..6:45ish and I remembered that 16 Wishes with Debby Ryan was premiering tonight. So I turn that on to watch it. And, around...7:30 or so, my dad's work calls and asks if he can come in tonight around 10. Tonight was supposed to be his night off. So he wakes up, goes to the bathroom, and my mom goes into the kitchen and makes him coffee...she never does that when they fight because he wont drink or eat anything she makes. But she made him coffee, and he comes out into the living room and sits for a while, it's not the best conversation, but she's like "Are you going to drink your coffee or eat first?" and he said "I have to shave before I go to work..." and my mom is like "Well you can at least drink some coffee..." So he does :-) Then he goes and shaves, and comes back into the living room and sits....and theres some small talk..and i mean REALLY small talk :-) Which made me quiitee happy! There was no yelling or anything, but I can tell my dad is trying, which is all I ask. So, his work just called again and said that they don't need him to come in...sooooo...I'm praying, hoping, wishing...you know, the usual, that they make up as soon as possible, and we figure this whole thing out and....this doesn't happen again for a while.. Please Please Pleaseee, I will do anything I swear! x3 xo

And they lived happily ever after...

Don't think I'm talking about my family now. No way...My mom and I were just in wal mart, and while we were leaving there was this old couple walking in front of us, and they were holding hands and smiling at eachother...It's so easy to tell how crazy about each other they are. Even after who knows how many years of looking into each others eyes every day, after all the children, the grand children...after everything they went through, they still aren't sick and tired of each other. Wow what I wouldn't give for a love like that..My grandparents...HA! My gosh, they're like my parents. Except they're a little better. But they can barely stand each other :( I find it so sad when you see two young people, married for only 10 years bickering on and on about the most useless things, every single day....and then theres this sweet sweet older couple, holding hands walking through the aisles in walmart...God really does work in mysterious ways...If only He made those ways a little more fair for some people :( It's 6 pm, my dad's been asleep for about... 5 hours? He's still not awake :P IDK Whatt I'm going to do :/ But I honestly cannot stand this anymore. blahh. shortest post yet. that's it for now.. xo

Why don't we all just play nice?

My dad comes into my room this morning before he goes to bed and he's acting all nice "when did you just wake up?"&etc... I hate when he does this. I would rather me and him got into another fight than him and my mom. I don't know how I'm going to make it through this weekend, neither of them are working and it's just...argghh :/ But we'll see maybe, possibly if I stack up on enough food and take it to my room for the entire weekend, I could just stay there and refuse to go out unless I have to go to the bathroom, and not let anyone in until the figure out what their problem is, and their problem wont be that they're going to get a divorce because IIII know that neither of them could survive on their own. My father would have to either leave the u.s and go back home, but how would he do that since all his medicine and crap is here. And my mom...well my mom would kill herself working so hard trying to maintain a good living condition for me and her. It wouldn't work out but they are just too stubborn to admit that. And That I also wont leave my room until tickets for going back home are bought, there is no way that they are going to be able to find any that are under 1400 $$ right now. It's less than a month away when we want to go. So they just need to suck it up. We wont go into debt. If it would make them feel better, I would ask people to buy a ticket for me and I would be the one responsible for paying them back any way that i possibly can...Yeah I think that is a very good idea. Let's hoe that this works ! Lol I have music, a bed, oxygen...things to do...i have clothes, makeup..I have my phone! Yeahh Good Idea Vanesa. Lmfao Peaceful Protest. Just like......idk did the Hippies do that? Please God, Please God, Please God, PLEASEEEE let this work! :) xox

p.s wow, this is the shortest blog i've written yet! :) xo

The one that makes me smile

Of course (: That boy....I don't know if I would say that I'm falling in love, considering the fact that he lives half way across the continent :/ But yesterday, after my parents fighting for...I think the 3rd time this month? I got to thinking and the last thing that I wanted was a relationship like theirs. Bickering on and on about the least important things, and not being happy...I feel so bad for them because I know when they look back on their lives...wow they're not going to have anything great to look back on :/ I mean maybe my mom will have me, I'm really not trying to sound conceded or anything but women love their children more than anything. But I'm not my dads biological daughter, he has no biological children, I don't know what he has to look back on. And I really don't want that in life. And when I got to thinking about someone that I would want to marry....ONE guy came into my mind...the one that always complimented me, told me he wished I were in his arms at that second,...I've been talking to him for over a year now. But it just hit me yesterday..I've been ignoring him and i've been annoyed by him for this entire year, just looking for that "sexy" dream guy. I met two of them. For half a year we talked non stop, but all that was on their mind was sex sex and more sex. But they were all talk and no action. But they were...they are really nice. Especially one of them...but it just wasn't meant to be I guess :/ But all over town, at least where I live, even in other cities, there are plenty of beautiful women, with not that beautiful men, or there are extremely sexy men with...not so sexy women. But does that even matter? All that matters is if your significant other makes you one of the happiest people in the world. But I've only been with one other guy...well I've had...3 boyfriends in all my years of living. First one was in 8th grade..I've had a crush on him for the longest time! And he finally decided to ask me out...but once I got him, I was kind of...sick of him? So I broke up with him within a weeks time :) Lol the second was.....Jeff....Jeff oh Jeff..should I even call him a boyfriend? I mean he was, he was an online boyfriend...sure yeah he was my second boyfriend (: Except...he lives in California...DUN DUN DUNN!! Lol It's a long complicated story with him,...that was one of my more....stupid teenage years Lol not that I was stupid for dating him but..I know for a fact that he was the second guy that I have ever truly loved...the first doesn't count because I didn't technically date him. But he's another story for another day :) And my third boyfriend..Taylor. Oh my gosh he was soo sweet! And we got together on homecoming of my...Sophomore year..soo wait! stop freeze...switch Jeff&Taylor around! lol My second boyfriend was Taylor, around..september...I think? begining of October, and then I met Jeff on Halloween..yeah that's the way that went! lol but anyway, I got kind of tired of Taylor too..he was wayy too clingy :P But I don't know...this guy is soooo sweettt, and so nice...and understand and....but he's not like OHMIGODHESSOYUMMY! haha But that's okay with me (: He could be marriage potential ;D Lol I know I'm too young to be thinking about this, but I don't care! There are two boys right now that I would consider marrying, but the other one needs to add me on facebook already! haha I havent seen him since we were kids (: But I doubt he would be interested...it doesnt hurt to try though, right? x) But I'm going to go back to texting this amazing guy, and going to bed soon...have a long day at the pool ahead of me tomorrow ! :) Finally doing something :P Lol xohejustmakesmehappyxo

"You are given this life because you are strong enough to live it"

Really? Because I don't feel strong enough to live it...I don't even know how i don't spend every day locked up in my room crying. And it's not about something stupid like "oh the boy i like doesn't like me" it's not that. And I don't even know how to talk about this because I was never taught to do that, I was never taught to talk about my feelings..I don't even know how i can do it this much..So, what's your sorry little problem, you might be asking? Well, let's see...First of all my parents. They fight...non stop. Nothing abusive. It's mainly just verbal. But for the past year...year and a half or so, it's been like "bicker bicker bicker" don't talk for 2 weeks... "bicker bicker bicker" everything is fine for a few days. Then BAM. Another fight. And it usually just comes out of no where. My parents are both such touch people..if they're both not in the same mood at the same time, a fight hits off right away. And it's not like they say anything to me, but it gets so hard listening to them fight all the time. I haven't tried talking to them about it because "I'm just a kid, what do I know?" They won't listen to anything I say, or suggest..that's just the kind of household that I grew up in. I'm glad to say that, at least for now, I am nothing like them. Even though none of the fights are about me, the fights aren't even about them, they're just nothing. I mean, maybe it wouldn't bother me so much if it was about me..or SOMETHING. All they do is scream at each other and make up complete lies. I'm starting to think about emancipation...but then I think again, and realize i have half a year of schooling left, after that, another half year and I'll be 18. I won't have to go through all that crap. It gives me a huge head ache every day...but the days that they aren't fighting are....wow they couldn't be more perfect (: We're actually like a real family. And to the fact that I never had an actual father...because my birth father i guess left us...I don't know, it's this whole long complicated story that I don't want to get into right now. For the past year though, all I've been thinking about is finding the perfect guy for me as soon as possible, and getting the hell out of here like as soon as i graduate high school...hey, my uncle got married to my aunt when she was like 14/15. Why shouldn't I get married when I'm 17 and 1/2. The sooner I get away from my parents the better. Don't get me wrong I love them dearly with everything in me..and I would miss my mom far too much if...or when I do move out, but I just can't stand this anymore :( We were all supposed to go home this summer...but I doubt that that's going to happen :/ Not with my dad being the way he is. And I feel, every day like I will burst if I don't cry it out a little bit, but I can't, ever. Because my dad mostly sleeps during the day, and my mom works during the day. And I'm alone...why should I cry then? I'm the most happiest at that time, I don't even think about them. But when my mom comes home, it all just comes crashing down on me and I literally feel crushed. All I do is spend half the day locked up in my room...there is no way in hell I would ever step out there while they're both awake at the same time. Some days I just want to run away, but I never really have the guts to...Tomorrow though? Who knows what might happen...I pray that I find a job soon enough..or that some Prince Charming will come and swoop me away from this misery, but so far...it's not happening. I make wishes on shooting stars..and the first star I see every night..I pray to God every day...If He really thinks that I'm THIS strong to handle all of this...wow I don't want to know what he has in store for me later :P But they always say that everything always turns out right...I'm just waiting for that day...But if ANY of you knew the members of my family...oh my god you would get what I mean...it's such a messed up family from my grandparents, all the way down to the cutest little 5, almost 6 month old baby boy...I just pray that the man I marry, and the children that I have won't look at the way their great aunts&uncles, and grandparents, and cousins from my side of the family are..and that they'll grow up in their own way, and their best way. Because the LAST thing that I want is a repeat of MY family..hah..well..that's not really it I could go on for hours, but I might as well just stop here :P Thanks for reading this if anyone did..xo

They say "Do what you love to do..."

Okay! But...What If i don't know what I love to do? I love being on the computer all day...I'm not a "nerd" or a "geek" or anything that might come to mind when you hear that. So..what should I do? Create a gossip site? or...start my own news paper!? Maybe Just start off with a random blog...and hope it turns into something big? I find it rather odd that..some kids know exactly what they want to do as soon as they are able to walk and talk and feed themselves! I mean it's not like I never had an Idea..I wanted to be a doctor...or a lawyer! But those were mainly ideas that I got from watching The Cosby Show. Then I wanted to be a model...everyone was always telling me "Vanesa you should be a model!" I never really actually wanted to..but when it came down to it, it was like...Well I have to do something! That idea also quickly died away...then I just so happened to start an obsession with the Disney Channel...Hannah Montana, Wizards of Waverly Place, etc. I made videos, so many videos auditioning, and honestly at the whole acting/dancing/singing thing I was pretty good at it! So why not go for that? My parents....not to say they aren't supportive, but they just always said "Oh, this is just a phase, even if you do get a role anywhere, we can't move! It's just a phase, It'll die down pretty quick." Not that it has, I would die to be on the big screen..little screen, on a stage, anywhere! And they do say that it's never too late for anything..But I'm 16 right now, still just a minor...so I have to do everything that my good ol' parents tell me! They do want me to get a job...and so do I! And I've been trying for such a long time..no luck though! In this economy if you get a job, hold on to it with your LIFE! So,...what do I do now? I have to start making money somehow..I graduate in the beginning of January 2011...I'm planning on visiting Europe for New Years....and again in March/April...and then AGAIN in July..plane tickets are just starting to cost more and more. Hey Vanesa! Here's an idea! Get your parents to help! My parents and money are not very great friends. Let's just keep it at..we're lucky that we have enough money to pay off the bills every month and still have enough food to eat! So what do I do? I'm trying to figure that out right now..and as I go through this journey, I'm hoping that you will be following me, and helping me along with it. I will do my best to post every day, and keep anyone who is interested up to date..I'm just starting to figure life out, and grow out of those bratty teenage years..and boy oh boy! Looking back...all I can say about myself is.. "eek!" So..let's get ready, set, and go! :)