New Design!

Well, I have a little bit of extra time on my hands! So I decided to blog again, two days in a row! I haven't done too much today, and it's already almost 1:30!!! I have to get started on homework and stuff, and I'll have to go driving soon. The boyfriend was online today :) He seemed kinda weird, he got drunk last night so I guess he has a bit of a hangover haha. Good. God I hate long distance relationships, cause you have to TRUST like no other. It takes a lot out of you, so a little advice, try not to get into one! Yeah, so not much else to say, it's Sunday and it's really cold outside. I think I'm just going to go ahead and get a snack and go back to studying German. Not much else to do anyway! Love V x3

P.S. I can't figure out how to put pictures up anymore! :(

FALL UPDATES!

I love blogs. I really do! So a few days ago was the very first day of fall! :) I'm so exited for it!! So many amazing things happen in fall. Right now, I'm just taking a break from studying my German to catch you up on a few things. So It is still September for another two weeks, and then it will be October! In October, so many things are happening! I am finishing Drivers ED! Which I will be kind of sad about, but at the same time I'll be exited because It will be one thing that I can cross off of my list! Then the very next night, it is homecoming!! How exiting! And then about a week or two after homecoming, we have conferences, and conferences is he beginning of our breaks! Like we'll have conferences the week of Halloween (which I am also very exited for) And then we have to go to school for two more weeks. And hen we have Thanksgiving break! And then we go back for another few weeks, and then it is WINTER BREAK!! Best break of all I think! And then, after winter break, I only go to school for two or three more weeks, and I'm done with school FOREVER! Then, I get to move to my lovely Europe and enjoy my life the way that I am supposed to enjoy it once and for all! :) I'm so exited! So, As soon as October hits, I'll have some more time on my plate, I'll be more rested, and a much happier girl since time will be going by very fast! So I think it will be much easier for me to keep up with my blog, and tumblr and twitter and everything. So start to expect some more updates soon!! Love, Nessa xx x3 x3

Hello Blog World :)

Hey there people of Blogger.com :) HOw are ya?
Long time no talk. I've been so busy lately what with drivers ed in the morning, school during the day, finding time to talk to my boyfriend after school, finding time to driver in the afternoon for drivers ed, trying to finish up homework before the next day, taking my class online...yeah, I guess the word that I'm looking for is busy! I never really know how stressed out and how much work I really have to do until I just sit down and think about it for a while! Thank goodness it's Wednesday tomorrow already and the days at school go by pretty fast, I love the weekend, I finally get to take a break! Things are so exhausting, there is so much i need to think about. I'm trying to figure out a way to talk to my mom about me buying a ticket for around.. March to go back home and see my boyfriend, but right now she's just like "Vanesa, don't ask me something that's how many months away." Sorry mama, I just want an answer now, not like a week from when I plan on going :P I've been pretty busy hanging out and catching up with my best friend the past few weekends, but as far as I know it, this weekend I will have nothing to do, so I'll get to rest up a bit, be make up free, etc :) I'm exited. Mom doesn't work tomorrow so as soon as I get home I can just get to my room, lay down and relax. I just totally rearranged it, and it's...well it's cleaner than it was before, but it is starting to get a bit messier! I'm trying to keep up with everything but... you know what the problem is, FACEBOOK! haha It's so freaking addicting, it's crazy. and then PLUS the fact that its my boyfriend's and my communication while I'm gone, oh he has been oh so sweet lately :) I honestly couldn't have asked for anyone better. I swear this is the guy I'm meant to marry. He has to be, I couldn't have seen it with anyone else before, It's still fuzzy with him, but I am more sure of this than I have EVER been before! I love it, but it scares me half way to death at the same time. I'm so scared of losing him, yet it gives me a thrill at the same time. :) Life is so great, yet so hectic! The only time I get to clear my mind a little bit is when I go driving, cause all I can think about is.. well you know, driving! It's great :) Just less than a month left of drivers ed, I have to admit I will really miss that class very much!
School oh school! September is almost over, I just have to make it to like the.. 28th.. 27th something like that of October. That's when my conferences are, and like when that passes, we go to school for like 2 weeks or so, than we have Thanksgiving break! and then another 2, 2.5 weeks, and then it's Winter break!!! And then I go back for about 2 more weeks, and I am totally done with high school! Crazy stuff isn't it :) I'm so exited, you honestly have no idea! Then I get to leave this horrid city and go back to europe, see my boyfriend and live happily ever after... for a couple of months anyway :) ahh.. well I just thought I'd update anyone if ya'll cared :) Again, this is mostly just for my own enjoyment! More coming later...when I feel like updating :))) much love x333 xx

Dear Mom.

So my friend gets this job that I was supposed to get a vanity right. Ok. well, she didn't get it yet. but she has an interview on monday. and she will get it. i just know she is. okay don't question it. She's two years younger than me.
Do YOU have any idea how low, and stupid, and lazy and... just all the horrible things it makes me feel. I just want to die right now. Before,..wow before I met her, and even the year I met her. Yeah, you know I wanted a job, of course. But all I was thinking about was.. oh If I had a boyfriend life would be so freaking perfect. All she kept thinking about was...Oh I need to finish school, I need to find a job, I need to save money, I need to get my license, who cares about boys!
see the difference?
Well I have a boyfriend now. and I'm not saying its not great. It is. But let's see, first of all he lives 234235345346456657987520984 miles away. Even if he lived right across the street from me, I still wouldn't have money. I do want to go to college, I do wan to move out of my parents place and find an apartment, I really want to go visit back in europe. I want to go this winter to germany. I can't beg people for money, I can't beg my parens to pay for me because...wow where are they going to get that kind of money. I want to go back home in April. I miss my boyfriend, I want to see him, and I want to be next to him, I miss my grandma, I miss the way she coughs and talks and her laugh and the way she looks at life, I miss the kids over there, I want to go and see them again.
Can I ask my parents to buy me a ticket? of course not. I'm 17 freaking years old. I'm going to finish school in less than half a year,...I'm not going to stay with them forever, I need to find my own place, I have NO money saved up. My little 3 year old cousin has over $3,000 dollars saved up in the bank. How much I could have had by now if I hadn't quit that stupid job in that stupid restaurant.
And now, I just want someone to make me feel better, at least about myself a little. I mean can you tell how fucking sad this is? But my mom? She doesn't know how to do it. She doesn't know how to scream at someone and get to the point. My aunt does. My boyfriend does.
You know what they would do? They would ask why the heck I'm sitting here crying about this and they would force me to get up and go look for a job if I wanted one so bad. I can't drive? No problem. They would drop what they're doing and force me to go with them. They don't sit around and talk "oh honey, you're not stupid, so what if she got a job, you're still in school." No they would say "WHAT? SHE GOT A JOB? YOU'RE TWO YEARS OLDER THAN HER AND YOU DONT HAVE A JOB. AND YOU'RE ABOUT TO FINISH HIGH SCHOOL. DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARASSING THAT IS? GET UP, GO GET A JOB, AND WORK AT IT. YOU HAVE TO SAVE UP MONEY FOR A HOUSE, A CAR, YOUR KIDS, ETCC.." They're those kind of people. The kind of people that I NEED. Are those people here right now? No, one of them is at home, 10 minutes away. The other is fast asleep at home...an entire ocean away :/ No. All I have is my mother, who doesn't know what to say to her own daughter to, get her to not be like this. Because my mother has to check her crops on farmville, and watch wheel of fortune and get a nap in beore she can help out her daughter to go driving, too get a job. No. She doesn't know. So what do I do. I sit here. on facebook, online, staring at the computer screen, feeling sorry for my pathetic life. great right? yupp. I love it. Where are the people I need :////

Life's Tough

I can't believe I ever came back :( I honestly can't survive here. The city is so boring, the people are so stupid, its all full of hicks :/ God, I can't believe I came back. It's...I don't know if it's getting harder every day or easier every day. Or maybe it's just the same ever day. I think I just need October to pass hehe. Because than in November and December I have like a million breaks, and I finish school in January. See, when I think about it, it's really not all that' bad considering I only have abou 3 weeks left in September. And this week is going to go by really fast because its only a 4 day school week, and I just feel like it'll go by fast. It just gets to being a little tough sometimes because I KNOW that I'm not meant to be here. I'm not meant to live here. And rather or not I'm meant to forever live my life with my current boyfriend, i still think im not meant to live in america. I expierenced it, maybe if all that past life stuff is true, i wanted to visit america oh so badly, and now im getting a taste of my own medicine since i see that it really REALLY. isn't all that great. I just need to somehow survive these next couple of months... yeah.. thats it for now ;p